Spongebob and Socks

Today I met Ashley.

Beautiful Ashley. A smiling, hunched over, 22-year-old woman in a pink coat, singing and talking to herself, or to someone in the room that only her mind could see.

Ashley has schizophrenia and autism, two diseases I have never had the experience of observing, much less working with. My job is to work with Ashley twice a week, keeping her stimulated so that she does not slip into "her world." Her world consists of people that do not exist, tragic stories, songs, and tears.

"Ashley, do you want to go to the Dollar Tree?"

This phrase I am told to learn quickly. It is one of the few that draws her out of her fantasy world and into the present. Ashley loves the Dollar Tree. And socks, Spongebob, her family, swinging, and her dog and cat, Purrey. These things, dear to her heart, keep her present.

When Ashley is not interacting with one of these people or things, or at least having some sort of task or stimulation, she has no desire to live this life. Sleep and "her world," of which I know little about, are her only escapes. It's not that Ashley is not capable of responding to my questions or that she is dangerously defiant. No, Ashley simply has no motivation to get out of bed each morning and embark on the adventure of another day.

I don't understand. I don't understand why a loving God would allow for Ashley to be victim to the torture of her own mind. "The bees they're chasing me!"
"The car just ran over the baby..."

These are the scenarios Ashley's caregiver has told me the girl has been heard reenacting and uttering before bursting into tears. Why is Ashley victim to this disease? Why not me? Oh, thank God, not me. Is that awful to say?

I will be praying for Ashley. I'm not sure what for. Maybe for freedom, whatever that means. For peace.

And what is my role? How can I help dear Ashley?

For now, I'm going to take her to the swing sets. I will swing with her, helping her allow the simple joy of the motion and breeze to overcome her as I succumb to it myself. I will get to know Ashley, her passions, and her frustrations. I will play with her and arrange flowers with her and take her to the coffee shop. I will talk about socks, the Dollar Tree, and Spongebob.

That is what I can do, and what I will do. This is where she is in life. This is where I am in life. This is where we are.