And lean not on your own understanding

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and He will direct your paths." - Proverbs 3:5-6.

I have had this verse memorized for as long as I can remember. I have heard it quoted so many times that it became just words coming out of my mouth. Its meaning seemed so cliché. Yes, I know to trust. Trust in God. That's what Christians are supposed to do, right? Well, yes. There is truth in that! But the part that is deeply resonating with me right now is what follows. And lean not on your own understanding.

I am a thinker. I process very intellectually. According to my brain, everything has a deeper meaning and more to be understood. Nothing is as it seems. I am hungry to understand more deeply! This can be such a blessing and a gift, as I am always seeking to learn more. My professors would consider this attribute a gem -- I would always pose challenging questions and write thoughtful papers. My friends can appreciate this as they pour out their hearts, and I help them organize their thoughts and understand emotions. I like the fact that I am always seeking to learn, and that I can usually understand every thought and emotion that enters into my consciousness.

But this gift of thinking and processing intellectually has a shadow side. I am unable to accept things as they are simply because that is how they are. I rob myself of the joy of embracing simple, beautiful moments. While some people are able to make the most of a moment (rain pouring down, allowing themselves to get wet and enjoying the fact that water is coming from the sky), I must always overanalyze it (why didn't I bring an umbrella? I wonder if it's supposed to rain tomorrow too...). And some situations just cannot be understood. Some emotions cannot be understood. Some people cannot be understood. The fact that I cannot comprehend the "whys" of everything frustrates me much more than it should.

So back to the verse..."and lean not on your own understanding"...what a challenge. Thank God for grace. The grace to help me slowly relinquish the attempt of trying to understand everything. It's okay to think...but it's also okay to not know. My mind is not the mind of God. Sometimes I can't fix or change a situation, and need to learn to just be. Be patient. Let God work. Be still, and know that He is God. Embrace the simple beauty that surrounds me.

But how do I relinquish the urge to know all? Well, honestly, I don't think I will ever entirely. But "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths." Acknowledge. Not just recognize, but know. Know deeply. Know intimately. THIS is how I can trust with all my heart. This is how I can lean not on my own understanding. This is how I can allow God to direct my paths.

I don't have to lean on my own understanding. Which is good, because it will never be enough. And that's okay. Hallelujah.