Total surrender

We were not created to be abandoned. I choose to believe this. I choose to surrender. But what is total surrender? And how?

Total surrender requires the acceptance that, as a human, I will suffer, regardless of what I choose to believe. Yet I have been given the choice...the opportunity...to have my suffering not be in vain. My suffering does not have to be meaningless! I can grow. I can be refined. I can give praise and glory to the Creator in the midst of it all, even when it seems completely illogical. Especially when it seems illogical.

Total surrender means taking risks! How, even logically, could utter surrender be simple? Simple surrender is a paradox. Total surrender is a choice. A choice intentionally made with the knowledge and faith that we will undergo suffering, yet our Creator's faithfulness can be trusted. Faith that by the strength of the Holy Spirit, we are made able.

Total surrender means trusting that that Holy Spirit with help us unclench our fists, helping us let go of the things we most want to hold on to. Sometimes we are not even cognizant of what these things are. Fear? Bitterness? Why would I want to hold on to these things? Yet it is as though I do. Maybe it is comfortable. Maybe I like the control that I have of these emotions. I did not even realize how many things I needed to let out of my grasp.

Total surrender means trusting that not only will the Holy Spirit help us unclench our fists, but that He will do so repeatedly. And then He will massage our hands that have become oh so weary from holding on for so long.

Total surrender, the willingness to choose a journey that will undoubtedly bring trials, requires one to die to the ways of the world. And dying to the world requires solitude. In solitude, we can slowly allow our Creator to dig through the miry mess, purifying us of impurities that we didn't even know existed.

Total surrender includes prayerfully allowing our creator to conform our will to His. Begging Him to do so!

Total surrender needs to be the deepest desire. And often it is, but perhaps it is not the strongest. Often times total surrender involves crying out in humility, beseeching the Creator to drag this deep desire to the surface and make it the strongest.

Total surrender involves the recognition that our unstable feelings and emotions are not exemplory of God's stability. Our varying emotions must be abandoned to the Constant.

And then, at the end of it all, we can say "Hallelujah." That is total surrender. Hallelujah and thank You.