Henri Nouwen is brilliant. The man has changed my life. I like this writer because he is honest. He doesn't sugar-coat life, or write like he has everything figured out. I think one of the things I appreciate most about him is how he writes the unsaids. He writes his thoughts and those things that people are afraid to say out loud. When I read his thoughts, I always feel as though he is not only speaking to my soul, but speaking my soul. Sometimes he can articulate my thoughts better than I can myself. Reading his work makes me want to jump up out of my seat and shout, "Yes!!! THAT is what I'm feeling/struggling with/thinking about/learning exactly!" The man has a gift.
I have just started reading "Life of the Beloved" (I really do love the word beloved. It captures a form of authentic intimacy). At this point in my life, I'm trying ever so earnestly to figure out what I should be doing with my life. Somehow I think this is (and should be) a lifelong journey, but it's really hard trusting God completely, heart and and life abandoned. Sometimes when I think about entering a career - ANY form of career - I start to panic. I feel suffocated by the thought of being trapped in one area for my whole life. And when I so think abut the future, I start to worry about money (how am I seriously supposed to pay off all my college debt?), grad school (Do I really want or need to drop over $100,000 and 5 years of my life in order to do what I want to?), time stressors (people keep telling me that life only gets more stressful after college, which is the LAST thing I want to hear), and such. But Henri Nouwen's quotes jolted me back into perspective. He said,
"You don't have to be the victim of time and money...don't let the world squeeze you in and restrain you."
"People seldom make choices according to their best aspirations...instead, they blame the world, the society, and others for their
'fate' and waste much of their life complaining."
Oh, goodness. Brilliant and true. So often I do view myself as a victim of the world. I HAVE to make money, I HAVE to be here and do this and that, etc. No, I don't. The world says yes I do, but I have been thinking about how corrupted the world's rules are. You never win and always end up drained and depressed. Then I started to ponder what I would do with my life if time and money were not an issue. What would meet my passions, gifts, and desires. What would be life giving. And you know what? It was hard to come up with something because the ways of the world are engrained in my thinking. I am so often imprisoned by the rationality of this world that I lose sight of the potential God has for me. With Him, time and money are not an issue. Therefore, they should not be for me. Unfortunately, to a certain extent they are things I need to pay attention to, but they are not things that should dictate my life or cause me stress. Time and money should not confine me.
An adaptation of Nouwen's words describes what has been on my soul lately:
I want to understand the deepest yearnings of my heart, about my many wishes, about hope; not about the many strategies for survival, but about trust; not about new methods of satisfying my emotional needs, but about love. I want to fully embrace a vision larger than my changing perspective and listen to the voice that is deeper than the clamorings of our mass media. I want to better seek to know my Creator.
The synthesized thoughts of Henri Nouwen and my heart. I want to not only read and appreciate his thoughts, drinking tea and nodding, but I want to embrace them. Understand what he says, not because it is he who speaks it, but because it is true.
Oh, sweet Lord, please liberate me from my messed up "rationality."
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ReplyDeleteYeah yeah yeah! Oh, Mr. Nouwen.
ReplyDeleteI've actually been reading him all week...How did you know?
Current favorites that I have put in my pocket to save for later:
"It is here that the need for a new Christian leadership becomes clear. The leaders of the future will be those who dare to claim their irrelevance in the contemporary world as a divine vocation that allows them to enter into a deep solidarity with the anguish underlying all the glitter of success, and to bring the light of Jesus there."
"In this crazy world, there's an enormous distinction between good times and bad, between sorrow and joy. But in the eyes of God, they're never separated. Where there is pain, there is healing. Where there is mourning, there is dancing. Where there is poverty, there is the kingdom."
"Your inner life is like a banana tree filled with monkeys jumping up and down."
mmhmmmm. I love it when people tell the truth
YES! ! Is that from "In the Name of Jesus?"
ReplyDeleteThe first one is. The others are from one of his essays, "Solitude to Community to Ministry."
ReplyDelete